Today is the Day

by seevan x14
  • August 28, 2007
  • Poetry
  • Other

To say, "Someday I will change the world"
Who are you to believe?
But who are you to disagree?
The sky is blue
The grass is green
Find the light
This smoke covers the azure
Not being able to see the stars
Fallen barks hide the garden
So many trees being cut down
Does this planet need a hero
Or determined souls
Believe in what is not believable
Together we will conquer the world

Comments & reviews · 3
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seevan x14
Comment
seevan x14 commented · Wed Aug 29, 2007 10:34 pm

I made a newer version of this poem, since people were critiquing it, (which is good), so i decided to fix it but I'm not sure if I'm gonna post the new one. Since this poem is sorta getting old.

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Swottielottie
Review
Swottielottie wrote a review · Tue Aug 28, 2007 4:26 pm

To say, "Someday I will change the world"
Who are you to believe?
But who are you to disagree?
[s]The sky is blue.
The grass is green.[/s]
Find the light
This smoke covers the azure
[s]Not being able to see the stars[/s] (Don't like this line it doesn't fit the poem)
Fallen bark hides the gardens
So many trees being cut down.
Does this planet need a hero?
Or determined souls?
Believe in what is unbelievable,
Together we will conquer the world.


Sorry I was so ruthless.
The bad

:arrow: Cliched
:arrow: the idea is overused
:arrow: some of the lines didn't fit with the rhythm
:arrow: You pointed out some obvious things.

The good

:arrow: The ending was very nicely worded
:arrow: you kept me interested nearly all the way through.

keep trying!
Charlotte



Life is like an onion. You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
— Carl Sandburg